encoded notions

Last year, for my 20th birthday party entropy was kind enough to give me a Great Blackout in the northeast. For my 21st birthday I was waiting for something of roughly equal caliber to cap the day. I got what I was expecting.

Prior to our July 4th celebrations my father and I took a trip to Virginia to buy good fireworks. This included reloadable mortars that look almost professional-grade. In typical fashion, we didn’t use them all because that would’ve been a bit too extravagant, even for us.

At around 9pm yesterday, we brought out the mortars, roman candles, fountains, and bottle rockets for some explosive goodness to celebrate my 21st birthday. A mortar to start things off with some cannonball-fire sounds. A few of the minor filler-things before another mortar. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Then a pickup truck pulled into the driveway. All of us immediately assumed that the local police had come by to pay us a visit since these types of fireworks are legally frowned upon around here. My mom stashed the mortar tube. As quickly and quietly as a hummingbird, all of the incendiaries went into hiding in the house and we pulled out a few Pennsylvania-grade crappy fire-toys for a cover story. It turns out that it was just some guy who had to turn around, and so we resumed our display.

After a few more smoke clouds, I thought I saw a car parked in our front driveway just watching us, so we packed it up again and scouted around for people waiting to catch us in the act. False alarm once again because I had mistaken my sister’s car for an unknown since I didn’t know it was going to be parked out front. We were all very spooked this time, and the group concensus was that only one more should be lit. Big Mortar vs. 150 Saturn Missile Battery?

The 150 Saturn Missile Battery was long and loud. Immediately we brought the rest of the stuff inside and cleaned up the mess. About five minutes later, a local police car pulled in the driveway and a cop knocked on the front door. My dad went out to talk with him. Meanwhile, my mom, sister, and I efficiently snuck the rest of the fireworks into an adequate hiding place in case the cop already had a search warrant (we were really paranoid at this time) and intended to come in.

The cop soon left and my dad looked like he really needed a drink or two.

It seems as though the cop was responding to a report of loud noises. A non-nextdoor neighbor had reported us. Upon driving past our house he had seen something in our backyard (the SMB) the cop had circled around to pay us a visit.

Dad: “Hi.” Cop: “We had a report of a weapons-discharge from a few houses down. Then they corrected themselves by saying they had heard fireworks. Is this true?” [I suppose that was the sound of the mortars BOOMing through the 9pm sky.] Dad: “We just have some PA-grade fireworks and a few other things to celebrate my son’s 21st birthday.” Cop: “Things like bottle rockets are illegal in this state, sir.” Dad: “Oh. Do I have to sign something then? Is there a fine?” Cop: “Off the record sir, I’d rather have your son celebrating his 21st birthday here with some fireworks rather than out drinking and driving. Tell your son to have a happy 21st birthday.”

And with that he left. Afterwards I realized that I was setting off the fireworks and I’m no longer a minor. That could’ve really made for an interesting birthay. Having a cop visit the house ranks alongside the Great Blackout of last year.

I think to top this, for my 22nd birthday I’d have to accidentally kill someone and get help covering it up.